Last Wishes Planner T-Shirts

"I want my remains to be scattered around the golf course. Also, I don't want to be cremated."

Santa Claus's Mail

The end of summer is near and you still haven't made plans

"What are you doing? It's Halloween. Not leaving your deliveries to the last minute this year?"

'My secret? Stay away from Halloween candy.'

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Bad gifts

"Death coach..."

North Pole twinned with Amazon

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

'It's the LAST time I volunteer to organise the staff Christmas meal, I've spent three days trying to find a 'traditional' lacto-vegan Christmas menu.'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

"As your CPA, I would recommend you count the number of eggs before you hide them."

'The holidays are about to be thrust upon us, Edgar, are you prepared?'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

Because of bad weather and lots of people moving slowly on the path, it took forever to get here! Everybody was picking up a pumpkin on Wednesday. There was a huge crowd and long lines at the pumpkin patch. My brother and I can't be seated together today. We'd argue and disagree about who should run the village council. After this huge meal nobody's gonna want to stick around and clean up this mess! If they're still having this celebration centuries from now, I'm sure they'll have worked i

"I always ask for a pony for my birthday. I find it gives the most bargaining room."

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

'One day, after they unfreeze my DNA, this will all be mine again.'

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

"Can't you read? Our shipment is late."

"Wow, the literary life is exhausting! Just when I finish 'What I Did On My Summer Vacation,' I need to begin my 'What I Want For Christmas' list!"

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

"It was my husbands dying wish to be buried in his herb garden."

"That reminds me, we must sort out your will."

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'

'And finally, I would like to be buried with an elephant bone...Just to confuse future archaeologists.'

'What are you doing here? It's only November.'

Halloween next exit. . . Thanksgiving, 27 days. . . Christmas, 54 days.

"No, you can't go out like that. Just because the world is ending is no reason to dress like a heathen."

'I want an iron clad will that won't allow them to get a dime until I'm cremated and ashes are sprinkled on wall street.'