Last-ditch Planner Gifts

"Of course, if this one flops we're done."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

The end of summer is near and you still haven't made plans

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

The Porkypine Pals - Moon Business

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"Can't you read? Our shipment is late."

"Before we cut the cake, I want to thank my bride for bringing our wedding in under budget."

'We can only offer you our basic dental plan: this dental floss and a pack of sugar-free gum.'

'Wait a minute! Aren't you the chap who refused planning permission on the St., Mary's church extension?'

'Why so early?'

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

'We should have bought the piano first, and built the igloo around it.'

"No, you can't go out like that. Just because the world is ending is no reason to dress like a heathen."

'I have 3 minutes to find a Valentines card or I'm a dead man.'

a drink at the pub

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

"Could you deliver 500 pizzas over there at the sports shop? Just ask for Hank at the frisbee department."

"You know, I wouldn't have to pay for this if you were still my son."

Man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Did You Forget Mother's Day?

Prisoners escaping in bubbles.

"You're very punctual, but you may lack a little in ability to plan ahead."

'Hey, it's out of my hands. Besides, we're a team! And if in the interest of saving a few bucks we're asked to share hockey sticks, then so be it!'

For use in case of wrongful arrest.

"Each to each, I always say! Share and share alike! I take pride in my cuisine, but at the same time I am willing to divvy up household chores with a wife. Say, a wife named Irma. That is, if Irma shares as breadwinner! I'll do the cooking! We'll split th

'Ready for Valentines Day? . . . Wow. I wish I could see the look on your wife's face.'

Consumer Weekly �9.50 - Rip-Off Britain

"I'm using sticky notes to identify areas in my life that can be improved. This one says I need five bucks to buy more sticky notes."

Fisherman waiting with a mallet.