Last-minute Gift Givers Gifts

'I'll take a dozen, mix up the colors and here are the sizes.'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

The end of summer is near and you still haven't made plans

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

Tipping Pain Chart

"They certainly are jolly creatures aren't they?"

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

It's the thought that counts!

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

Sorry about the odor --- Phone booths have gone out of style so I had to change in a dumpster.

"Don't look him in the mouth! Don't look him in the mouuuthhh!!"

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

Pavlov's Dog at Christmas time...

Adrenaline is flowing down there with lots of last-minute, panicked Christmas shoppers! The DNA is frantically looking for heirlooms that'll be passed on in succeeding generations. It seems no price is too high for the helium atom - it's buying everything! Meanwhile, the neutron can't charge and hasn't been able to buy a single gift! Tempers are getting short! A big nerve angered other shoppers by blatantly cutting in the checkout line! And there's a quarrel over a parking spot with a whit

"Christmas day or nor, it was under the tree! How could you expect me not to peek?"

'Come on...no one would be dumb enough to buy those in a million years!'

"...Well, where was he when I needed the red Power Ranger?"

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

"Money or your beard!"

"Save the thong. I'd like to floss afterwards."

'Uh oh! Santa brought the kids a pet cat!'

'That reminds me must buy an anniversary present for Lady Caroline!!'

"Yes, Doreen, I think I am capable of unconditional love."

Belated $3 birthday cards. 'Darn. All I've got is two bucks.' Bob was always a day late and a dollar short.

Last-Minute Gifts

"Uh, oh. I forgot what day it is."

Why T-Rex Did Not Go Noodling

Hand Sanitiser in the Middle of the Ocean

'Uh oh, looks like we've got weekend guests.'

Mall Directory asks, Where's your Christmas Spirit.

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

Cats and Gift Bags