Las Vegas Aficionado T-Shirts

'We were thinking of building something a little subtle this time... haha, just kidding, make it horrible.'

'Which one's Sammy?'

'You only said to bring home a feather duster. You never said what kind.'

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

Hay Rides $10

Dog in casino.

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

Slug roulette

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

'It's a penny slot--give me a hundred.'

"Oh, I almost forgot: This time, if you have a good hand, don’t say, 'Meowee!'"

'I need to find a loose machine like that.'

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

Children's party - Pin the Tail using a tablet

Destination casinos...

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

"Our first order of business will be the new speed bump in the parking lot."

Tonto Casino.

"Throw me somethin', mister."

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

'Las Vegas: What happens here, is a lot less than what was happening here two years ago.'

'Our ceiling is under repair--sorry.'