Landscape Gardener Gifts

Mixed Ability Brown, Landscape Gardener

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

Good design can make a garden look larger than it really is.

'I can't keep this up every weekend... next time get some advice on patio laying.'

"The hardest part was teaching him to use the hedge trimmers."

'Not that sort of rock garden!'

"...And then beyond the lawn, a lily pool with fountains and..."

A garden is a thing of beauty and a job for life.

Man look over neighbours fence at a man mowing his lawn. He is wearing a suit of armour to protect him from stones being thrown up by mower.

"When I said deploy Ground force..."

'Please inform groundskeeping that the green space is invading my personal space.'

Yogic Flier / Flymo

"I bet Alan Titchmarsh wouldn't have stood on that rake."

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

Shady Elm Industrial Park.

"It's a fantastic design.It looks very mystical!""Actually I copied it from the logo of a road haulage company."

'Beginner's maze.'

'You're not CAPABILITY Brown, are you?'

'I dunno, Friar Tuck. Sometimes I think I preferred the hidout before our visit from the 'Ground Force' team.'

'Let's redo the yard with an asteroid theme.'

'I like to think of myself as a lunar landscape gardener.'

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

Garden Art

"Oh my god. She knows I schist my plants.

"I've just sacked the gardener as you said Dear.."

"This isn't one I have to fertilize, prune and water is it?"

Gardener laying turf.

"It's a rockery...next year we're putting in a water feature."

"Wow yes, it's a lovely garden, but I can only see flowers: not a carrot in sight..."

Dutch Garden

Capability Brown

"I'm a landscape gardener."

"I'm going to refer you to a landscape gardener."

"Are you from the council...?"

'I decided to pimp my wheelbarrow.'