Land Baron Gifts

Strip Mine Estates - Mineral Rights? They're All Yours.

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Okay...3.5 billion in stock, 2.5 billion in cash, 80 million in deferred compensation, my own private jet, a luxury car lease for the next ten years, 3 club memberships and...

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

"How are we on bread?"

"Mr. Thomaston's people are here to talk to your people."

"Someday, son, all this will be yours. It'll be under water, but still ..."

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

The Speculators

'Come back, you fool! -- The Earth is three-fourths ocean!'

"A man's cubicle is his castle—eh, chief?"

"The Oaths of the Venture Capitalists."

"Someday, son, all this will be yours..."

Hot Towel Web Service

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

'Relax. I've come for your high yield 30 year Treasury bonds. They're about to expire.'

'The very name 'windfall profits' show it's an act of god.'

"My family's been working this land for at least 400 years...!"

"Ed's security blanket. Two hundred and twenty acres!"

'Can I get a Chardonnay over dry ice? I hate it when my wine gets wet.'

"It's non-negotiable."

Eldon Furse - Cattle Baron and Flag Waver

'Sure, I'll come on board for five-hundred times your average worker's wage, plus double that in stock options, and unlimited use of the corporate jet. Also free postage.'

If they sentence me, I'll simply pay to refurbish the penitentiary. It will be my own little six star hotel!

"I've always had this dream of buying a little farm and then selling it off piece by piece."

Gale Norton - US Secretary of the Interior.

"I heard they bought thousands of acres around here."

"How many acres do I have? What's an acre?"

The Land Grab: Then and Now

"You e-mailed me my Lord"

"I've sold my airspace."

Agricultural Businessman.

Man caught trespassing having fallen through ice