Bond Baron Gifts

'Relax. I've come for your high yield 30 year Treasury bonds. They're about to expire.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Okay...3.5 billion in stock, 2.5 billion in cash, 80 million in deferred compensation, my own private jet, a luxury car lease for the next ten years, 3 club memberships and...

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

"Mr. Thomaston's people are here to talk to your people."

"How are we on bread?"

Lemonade fruit juice water stand and Umbrellas, sump, pumps, raincoats stand.

"A man's cubicle is his castle—eh, chief?"

"The Oaths of the Venture Capitalists."

Hot Towel Web Service

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

'The very name 'windfall profits' show it's an act of god.'

Strip Mine Estates - Mineral Rights? They're All Yours.

'Can I get a Chardonnay over dry ice? I hate it when my wine gets wet.'

"It's non-negotiable."

'Sure, I'll come on board for five-hundred times your average worker's wage, plus double that in stock options, and unlimited use of the corporate jet. Also free postage.'

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

If they sentence me, I'll simply pay to refurbish the penitentiary. It will be my own little six star hotel!

Sporting World God: And on the seventh day he stitched up the television broadcast rights.

Now playing: 'The passion of big box office profits'.

"I heard they bought thousands of acres around here."

"This one says he's his company's lead-off man."

Agricultural Businessman.

'Forty beers please, oh, and if a woman called Beau Peep calls, tell her you never saw us.'

(One small step for the Nasdaq…. One giant leap for me!)

Stirrbucks

King of oil

'Your sponsored child and his family used your monthly support to dig a new village well. Instead of water they struck oil - and are now wealthy beyond your wildest dreams.'

'When people started offering 'Golden Hellos' they didn't realise what a disaster it would be for the business.'

Although less physically imposing than his famous uncle, Baron von Munchkinhausen was no less formidable.

"....but it doesn't half get in the way on the bike."

Throwing away your disposable income

'Sorry, but I have to evict you! I just sold your birdhouse for $ 100.000!'