Backyard Baron Gifts

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Okay...3.5 billion in stock, 2.5 billion in cash, 80 million in deferred compensation, my own private jet, a luxury car lease for the next ten years, 3 club memberships and...

Neighbor Leaf Wars

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"Mr. Thomaston's people are here to talk to your people."

"How are we on bread?"

Lemonade fruit juice water stand and Umbrellas, sump, pumps, raincoats stand.

"The Oaths of the Venture Capitalists."

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

Hot Towel Web Service

"A man's cubicle is his castle—eh, chief?"

'Relax. I've come for your high yield 30 year Treasury bonds. They're about to expire.'

'The very name 'windfall profits' show it's an act of god.'

'I know what you're thinking, honey, it's out of our price range but, wait till you see the size of the mailman's leg on this route!'

'Can I get a Chardonnay over dry ice? I hate it when my wine gets wet.'

"Do you have any idea who it is you're talking to?"

Strip Mine Estates - Mineral Rights? They're All Yours.

"It's non-negotiable."

'Sure, I'll come on board for five-hundred times your average worker's wage, plus double that in stock options, and unlimited use of the corporate jet. Also free postage.'

"I heard they bought thousands of acres around here."

Beware of Curmudgeon!

The King Can Do No Wrong

Agricultural Businessman.

"This one says he's his company's lead-off man."

'Forty beers please, oh, and if a woman called Beau Peep calls, tell her you never saw us.'

"I'll be okay when I retire. I'm maxing out my 401(K), stepping up my IRA contributions, and three times a year I bury two duffle bags filled with unmarked bills in my backyard."

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, haven't you?"

Stirrbucks

'Next, go to the 'Guard' menu and select 'Bark.''

Although less physically imposing than his famous uncle, Baron von Munchkinhausen was no less formidable.

"....but it doesn't half get in the way on the bike."

'Sorry, but I have to evict you! I just sold your birdhouse for $ 100.000!'

I swear my grandfather's scowl is getting worse