Lab Safety Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Oh, and Dr. Kelb, before you go, please turn out the bunsen burners."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"I am not asking for directions."

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Where did you learn alchemy? Elementary school.

'I'm growing mini human brains from stem cells.'

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

"I feel so seen right now."

'Sorry, Professor Kleinzweck -- your 'Chaos Theory' program just crashed.'

"The search for a new painkiller has been a real headache."

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

'So I left a little bit out of the genetic code when I cloned you. You're only missing a nose. What's the big deal?'

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'...then add some of the yellow powder to those blue crystals, heat it for a while, and see how you like it.'

"We're isolating the obesity gene, but only to make fun of it."

"He should get a Nobel prize for thinking he'll get a Nobel prize."

Scientist with test tube.

A psychiatrist is at the end of the maze.

'Do I have a story to tell about Novox Genlab!'

'More or less?'

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

FDA will 'Regulate Tobacco'.