Lab Safety Enthusiast Gifts

"Oh, and Dr. Kelb, before you go, please turn out the bunsen burners."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"I am not asking for directions."

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'I'm growing mini human brains from stem cells.'

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

"I feel so seen right now."

'So I left a little bit out of the genetic code when I cloned you. You're only missing a nose. What's the big deal?'

"The search for a new painkiller has been a real headache."

'Sorry, Professor Kleinzweck -- your 'Chaos Theory' program just crashed.'

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'...then add some of the yellow powder to those blue crystals, heat it for a while, and see how you like it.'

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

'More or less?'

'Do I have a story to tell about Novox Genlab!'

A psychiatrist is at the end of the maze.

"He should get a Nobel prize for thinking he'll get a Nobel prize."

Scientist with test tube.

"We're isolating the obesity gene, but only to make fun of it."

FDA will 'Regulate Tobacco'.

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

"Well, it certainly looks like your DNA. How many times have I told you to wear gloves before touching anything?"