Lab Mishap Survivor Gifts

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

Barbeque Casualty.

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

'Looks like another bad PR week for the company. The whole media team got burned in our last email blast."

In case of stock market crash break glass.

'...And in case of program crashes, this model comes fully equipped with an air bag!'

'In defense of rotten movies, they DO have the remarkable ability to make it seem like maybe your life isn't flying by that fast after all!'

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

"Well, it certainly looks like your DNA. How many times have I told you to wear gloves before touching anything?"

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

Sling

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

'Ooops. Any chance we could blame this on El Nino or climate change?'

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

'The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your actions.'

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

'For the remainder of this health and safety discussion, I shall refrain from leaning back too far on my chair.'

A combustion of chemists

'May I have your attention! I dropped my car keys in the soup, if you find them, please return them. They're my only set.'

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

Embarrassed man finds a skimpy dress in his suitcase.

'I said use your toolbar, NOT your crowbar.'

'Surprisingly enough, this is in the range of acceptable risk.'

"The universe tends towards chaos."

ALLIED CHEMICAL PRODUCTS, INC., 'I'd like to transfer out of Research & Development for awhile.'

"I told you that 'biodegradable' pants were a bad idea!"

"I spilt coffee on my machine again..."

"Sorry Ma'ma, but I got caught inside a car for a few hours. I just managed to escape when they opened the window: Where am I?"

'I want you to file a malpractice suit.'

"You've had six accidents?"

The bad news is that I left the claim ticket for my hat in my pants pocket, and I left my pants at the pants-check window. But the good news is that I left the claim ticket for my pants in my hat, so maybe together we can works something out. Hat Check.

"Bob, you dope—you typed 'Esther Island' into the GPS."

'I can't believe you managed to drop your mobile phone!...'

"Oh, and Dr. Kelb, before you go, please turn out the bunsen burners."

'The bad news is your luggage is in Budapest. The good news is it now holds the world record for the number of pieces it came off the plane in.'