Knights Of The Mismatched Napkin Pillows

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

Joust Sharpener

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

Will work for Food Network.

"I like that everything is mismatched. I just think it could be mismatched better."

"If they don't show up soon I'll have to admit I forgot to invite them."

'Marmaduke, have you been drooling on my cookbooks again?'

'Sire, they are starting to call you Edward the Confessor.'

"This isn't how the story went at all."

Battering ram is a giant key to unlock castle doors.

Give Thanks.

'There's a dangerously fine line between chivalry and being a goody-two-shoes.'

William Wallace.

'It wasn't like this when I left it!'

"I decided to burn all my previous napkins and start fresh."

Mother's day

'I made your favorite Sunday dinner, spaghetti, but since you still have service tonight, a plastic precaution is in order.'

Whisk

Napkin Writer

Don Quixote attacks wind farm

'Okay I'll admit you do look foolish but on positive side you were only one letter out!'

"Junior must be in here somewhere."

"Mia Farrow would find the time!"

'It's a very interesting resume, but have you ever done anything other than bar napkins?'

"There goes your knighthood."

'Well,there's why your refrigerator's having temperature problems ma'am. The door's got a badly worn seal.'

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

"Don't get me wrong, you're a good tiler but maybe you should go back to your old job..."

El Cid.

"So I said to her, I said"

Beware of dog.

"Like you, mom, I never waste leftover. Want some pizza slice, meatloaf hunk, chicken salad soup?"

'I admire your courage, but why don't you quit while you're ahead!'