Kitty Keeper Pillows

She envied her sometimes - all footloose and feline-free.

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

Billy would watch his ant farm for hours on end.

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"Has anyone turned in a chicken?"

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

My Bowl Is Empty.

Vodka

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

"Relax - it's just for a few days until they find a place of their own."

Woman welcomes back her cat but not its new kittens.

'Wait a minute - isn't this one yours and that one mine?'

'Maybe I shouldn't have brought the termites,'

"How many is too many?"

'Tootsie-pie is going to be spaded, just like Mother.'

"Eggs, eggs, eggs...that Delia Smith's ruining my life."

'Well, you have people pox.'

"I had that fish for so long it evolved, climbed out of the bowl and walked away."

"Have you made any retirement plans?"

Before you feed him/After you feed him.

Zen Kitten

Cat coming out of a maternity ward.

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

'I think it's time we told kitty she was adopted.'

'Come on children, last one out's a rotten egg.'

I tried thinking outside the box once. That was a big mistake!

"It's a great property: the highlights are three cat-flaps, two litter trays, two scratch poles and of course, no bath..."

'You're needed at the can opener.'

'George, kitty got tired of waiting for us to let her in.'

Did you have to bring your chicken?

Chick escapes from egg prison.