Kitchens Gifts

"So this where the magic happens."

"Here's a dish I used to cook for my late husband. If you want to try it just follow the recipe, but ignore the part where it mentions a pinch of arsenic."

Dog - 'Drop it! You know you wanna drop it!'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'Show Off'. Hat size jealousy among chefs.

Rhino chef.

The food inspector

'MY mother used to use a smoke detector as a meal-timer too!'

Good Mop, Bad Mop.

'Well, ex-CU-U-Use ME!'

'No need for the Fancy Dress - you've only boiled me an egg.'

'Leave the bottle.'

'Because I couldn't find the potato masher, that's why!'

'You made me jump.'

Come dine with me!

Counting ribs

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

Too much cilantro

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

Salt and Pepper

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.