Kitchen Table Conversations Gifts

"My hair is so unruly that it's threatening to become an angry mob."

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Correct Comics *Drawn By A Vegetarian On Acid-Free Recycled Paper In A Drug-Free Environment

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"How about a hand."

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

"When I was young, we personally prepared all the food for each and every meal!"

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

Dialogue

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Young girl asks young boy what time he wakes in the morning

"Who had pink eyes, long ears, a cute little cotton tail and brings baskets of eggs on Easter morning?"

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

A lesson in wit

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

"The specials today are the Breast of Thyme and the Wurst of Thyme, though I strongly suggest reversing their order."

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

"You might be poor and ugly but you're the only one who didn't blather about politics and climate change after ten minutes. What's your name? Marry me!"

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

"Yes, this meatloaf is just like my mother used to make. She never did learn how to cook!"