Kitchen Porter Gifts

Pot washer.

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'... and I got this one for being a dishwasher.'

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

Jack of all trades

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"That's it. We’re toast."

'I'm going to make a batch of my ginger biscuits.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"I'd like to toast our guests."

Husband bakes a pie

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

Latest Railway Marvel.

A chef teaches a classroom of other chefs how to properly flip something using a spatula.

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

Onion Tears

"Gigot de sept heures."

Onion operation.

'I'm counter - intelligence'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"More helium."

'The recipe said to simmer uncovered!'

"You have arrived at your destination."

A man flips a pancake onto a child's head

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

Hospital porter leaving brain behind