Kitchen Porter Gifts

Pot washer.

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'... and I got this one for being a dishwasher.'

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

Jack of all trades

"That's it. We’re toast."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

'I'm going to make a batch of my ginger biscuits.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

"I'd like to toast our guests."

Husband bakes a pie

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

A chef teaches a classroom of other chefs how to properly flip something using a spatula.

Latest Railway Marvel.

Onion operation.

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

"Gigot de sept heures."

'I'm counter - intelligence'

Onion Tears

"More helium."

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"You have arrived at your destination."

'The chef says sorry but he doesn't do rare.'

Murderous Chef

"All the way from the new home in Rye just so she can sniff our old doorman."

"It's made with real angel hair."

Man takes sandwiches left beneath a 'please take one' sign