Kitchen Item Fans Pillows

'I could see a saucer of even a cup, but who runs away with a spoon?'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

Bird collecting furniture for it's home.

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

"It's beautiful. I'm just not sure it's $800 beautiful."

"Fridge-to-table"

It's all gravy.

'What?! Not even one of you wants to see how they're made?'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Hmmm. Not sure it will go with my wife."

"I like coming to Grandma's House Daddy. . . It always smells like chocolate chip cookies!"

'Gurkenman! The fact that you've got a height-adjustable desk does not mean that you've been promoted into a higher position!'

"Does it come with magnets?"

Wall Cluck.

Origin of the 'spork'

"My meeting take away was this chair, what did you get?"

Napkin Cole

Smaller shoe being built onto a shoe house.

"And what do you think will happen if you do get on the couch?"

Lawn Furniture/Yawn Furniture.

'Excuse me sir, how do you feel about artificial intelligence?'

Anarchist Cutlery: Soup Knife/ Bread Fork, Steak Spoon.

Woodpecker Carving Chair out of Tree.

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

Rep-Tiles.

'George's poltergeists are terribly clever, they assembled the coffee table for us.'

'An occasional table... what is it the rest of the time?'

'No, I don't think you're a mental case, Mrs Clydehopper. Then again, this is a furniture store, and I'm a salesman...'

Fur'niture

'When I asked for something woody with a great finish, they said I should try the paneling department at Home Depot.'