Home Cooking Fan Pillows

'The bill, you're joking! I never used to pay my mum.'

"Oh man. Tia Carmen's making that soup with all those weird vegetables."

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Barbeque Casualty.

Ode to a Grill

Turtle Trailer Court

'Guess what I've got for lunch today...a piece of my wife's delicious rum cake.'

I'm buying a house. You're broke. So? the interest rate plans are amazing. The banks are giving money away. Besides, the housing market is going nuts. If I buy today, I can sell next year for a huge profit. I suddenly feel faint. You look ill, Mr. Powell.

"Does it come with magnets?"

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

'What kind of...'

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

Smaller shoe being built onto a shoe house.

Wall Cluck.

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

'Excuse me sir, how do you feel about artificial intelligence?'

"Since we're off the grid, Madge does the cooking over a bonfire."

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"That fly paper's paid for itself."

'An occasional table... what is it the rest of the time?'

Rep-Tiles.

'No, I don't think you're a mental case, Mrs Clydehopper. Then again, this is a furniture store, and I'm a salesman...'

'When I asked for something woody with a great finish, they said I should try the paneling department at Home Depot.'

'I know junk e-mail is everywhere but spam on toast?'

Easter Bunny watching 'Dye Hard.'

'Needs salt.'

Avon lady (selling foundation cream) tapping a builder on the shoulder.

'All I said was,'do you want decking,sir?'

'Bill, in the country it's a CELLAR not a BASEMENT! I won't come down 'til you use the proper term.'

Mum's home cooked meals - vending machine.

"Look, darling, I've recorded your favourite meal."