Kitchen Humor Pillows

'I'm not allowed to operate heavy equipment while taking this medication. What do you think the stove weighs?'

'How long have you had these cornflakes, Edna?'

'Regardez - even le grand Escoffier cries quand il slices les onions.'

Beard helper

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

'Looks like Mom is making the chicken extra-crispy again.'

"Management wants a word with you."

"These eggs are well past their sell-by date!"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"States of tofu"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages