Kitchen Comedy Pillows

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

Slug Revenge

"Oh, thank goodness! My food dish wasn't stolen. It was just being washed and refilled. Nevermind, officer."

'You made me jump,'

'I kill him and you cook him - deal?'

'It looks like your mom haven't found her prescription glasses yet...'

'Smells good, what is it?'

'I thought too many cooks spoiled the broth.'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

"You don't like my cooking, do you?"

"It's worse than you think, doctor - his dad's supper is in there."

"Fork wit!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

Wok. Don't Wok.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."