Kitchen Conquistador T-Shirts

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

You're the puff in my pastry!

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

Ghostbasters 3

There! I've made my year's supply of zucchini bread! That's kind of a lot. How can you store them all? It's no problem. I just throw out last year's supply.

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

"I've been listening to your podcast. And though I agree with your opinion on deforestation and global warming, I strongly disagree with your claim that I overcook my pasta."

Am Awful Crammer.

Well, what did you expect on the mother ship?

"I'm unable to process this image."

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"You know, statistically speaking, at least one of these gingerbread men is gay."

'Larry, you have everything it takes to go far in this company, but a word of advice: lose the laugh.'

"The night raid on the kitchen bench was a disaster sir! The owner woke up, came downstairs for a glass of water and attacked us!"

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

'Of course it's high in protein. Just look at this!'

Boy baking a cake.

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

A woman's work is never done!

"It's not that you're a failure. It's that you completely lack the capacity for success."

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!