Kitchen Conquistador Pillows

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

You're the puff in my pastry!

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

Ghostbasters 3

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

"I've been listening to your podcast. And though I agree with your opinion on deforestation and global warming, I strongly disagree with your claim that I overcook my pasta."

Am Awful Crammer.

"I'm unable to process this image."

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

Boy baking a cake.

'Larry, you have everything it takes to go far in this company, but a word of advice: lose the laugh.'

'Of course it's high in protein. Just look at this!'

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

"You know, statistically speaking, at least one of these gingerbread men is gay."

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

"The night raid on the kitchen bench was a disaster sir! The owner woke up, came downstairs for a glass of water and attacked us!"

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

A woman's work is never done!

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

Instead of a cap and gown Mike got a hairnet and spatula.