Kitchen Catastrophe Conqueror T-Shirts

"The microwave is broke. It did warm my food, but it also tossed it around and broke my plate."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

There! I've made my year's supply of zucchini bread! That's kind of a lot. How can you store them all? It's no problem. I just throw out last year's supply.

Roasted

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

'Something new for Sunday lunch today - Corned-beef sandwiches!'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Well, what did you expect on the mother ship?

'Anybody for breakfast?'

'My hero!'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"You know, statistically speaking, at least one of these gingerbread men is gay."

"The night raid on the kitchen bench was a disaster sir! The owner woke up, came downstairs for a glass of water and attacked us!"

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

A day in the life of a dish sink

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

'What we were about to receive has gone the way of all flesh.'

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

The Colonel at home.

"Where's a fairy godmother when you need one?"

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

'It was the last straw when she threw her lumpy gravy over me!'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"