Kitchen Chief Gifts

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Too much cilantro

Kitchen Kapers

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

Salt and Pepper

Kiss the Commander in Chef

Ghostbasters 3

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

The Perfect Foil

'Cooking'

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

The dress uniform of the Catering Corps

Chef copy robot

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

A chef teaches a classroom of other chefs how to properly flip something using a spatula.

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

"I got the part, but I play a waiter."

Will work for Food Network.

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

The secret lives of household things.

"If they don't show up soon I'll have to admit I forgot to invite them."

Oil Spill: 'Oh dear! That was the last of our extra virgin.'

Cook being told what to do by housemaid