Kitchen Chaos Conductor Pillows

"Honey, I appreciate the effort, but you're frightening our son."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Cookbooks

Kitchen Tetris

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

Is that pancake ready yet?

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

Man's cooking explodes.

How to correctly estimate cooking time

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Ten out of ten for effort...

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Anti-inflammation recipes

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Chef De Party.

Cooking

Disaster in the kitchen.

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

Cook au vin

"I mean, he does have a point."

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

"Now why would a seagull fly in here and try to establish a rapport with me?"

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

One reason secret family recipes are usually best kept secret.