Kitchen Calamity Champ Pillows

Pizza's Burning...

Roasted

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Bake off: Flan B

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Larry's made new friends learning to cook. He knows everyone at the Recipe Emergency Hotline."

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Leak Soup. No, it's not a misspelling. The roof dripped into the casserole.

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'That's weird. All this fortune cookie says is 'look out!''

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

Dave's How to Puke Book.

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

"Darling? When you said, 'they had a fire damage sale at the grocery store'..."

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

"Honey, dinner's ready! I just have to find it."

"The shrimp alfredo you made a few weeks ago?"

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

"Apparently after your fifth bout of food poisoning they suggest you take one home."

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

All sizzle and no roast

Smoke gets in your eyes.

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'