Kitchen Calamity Champ Pillows

Pizza's Burning...

Roasted

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Bake off: Flan B

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

"Larry's made new friends learning to cook. He knows everyone at the Recipe Emergency Hotline."

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

Dave's How to Puke Book.

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

"Darling? When you said, 'they had a fire damage sale at the grocery store'..."

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

"Honey, dinner's ready! I just have to find it."

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

All sizzle and no roast

Smoke gets in your eyes.

"Apparently after your fifth bout of food poisoning they suggest you take one home."

"The shrimp alfredo you made a few weeks ago?"

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'

'Oh no, freezer's on the blink again!'