Kings Of Comedy Gifts

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

'Not here - home!'

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

'The dog ate my homework -- I thought maybe you could X-ray him.'

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'You're not really that much help, Ben.'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

'This new jester doth appeal to me.'

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

'That's a personal foul, roughing the passer!'

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"