Kings Of Comedy Gifts

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Yours is adjustable?"

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

'Not here - home!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'The dog ate my homework -- I thought maybe you could X-ray him.'

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'You're not really that much help, Ben.'

"Congratulations, Gentlemen! We removed it from his skull without damaging his funny bone!"

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

Their father would frequently have to barge in and pantomime to his kids that they were not being quiet enough as they pantomimed actual noisy children.

Donald Glover

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

'This new jester doth appeal to me.'

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"