Comedy Kings Gifts

John Woodvine

'The poor shlubb -- his country still only has dial-up.'

"And now. . . for the last stupid human trick!"

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

'You've made a powerful enemy'

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Yours is adjustable?"

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'The dog ate my homework -- I thought maybe you could X-ray him.'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'You're not really that much help, Ben.'

"Congratulations, Gentlemen! We removed it from his skull without damaging his funny bone!"

Fitness Camp. I'm trying to strengthen our boarders!

Their father would frequently have to barge in and pantomime to his kids that they were not being quiet enough as they pantomimed actual noisy children.

'This new jester doth appeal to me.'

Donald Glover

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

'That's a personal foul, roughing the passer!'

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

'Do you think Mum and Dad are trying to keep an eye on us, by enroling on the same university course as us, Colin?'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"I'd like an application form for the position of minister, please!"

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

"Our little girl has blossomed into quite the little complainer."

"My parents are members of a tiny cult that worships me."

"All of my visitors have to wear that get up. Apparently my humour is very infectious."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

Football Delivery

'You're not supposed to use fabric softener on ARMOR!'