King Wannabe Pillows

"Tell me sire. How long have you had these delusions of grandeur?"

"He conquered the known world - now all he's got is sudoku."

A smiling man leaning on large piggy bank.

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

'Wait! Better give me the big one.'

King and Queen with real estate agent view castle for sale: 'My wife likes it, but she wants to know if you have the same thing in purple.'

'What do you mean you don't believe I'm really a Princess?'

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

"We could start a band."

'HA, HA! See the way arrows are deflected off my brand new breastplate?'

"Try not to loft the ball so much.'

Yes, well, when you're grown up and king, your castle can have an indoor heated moat.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

"I am a ninja rabbit. I am stealth personified. I am one of the unseen. I am now invisible...Darn."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

'Put it down, it's the captain's log.'

"I'm the king of the jungle! Why do I always get the hand-me-down phones?"

'OK, who wants to be a hero?'

'I'm wearing me treasure, rather than burying it!'

"I was assistant to Prince Andrew for six months, then I realised that, no matter how good I was, they were never going to make me Prince Andrew."

"I told you idiots all that chest bumping would get you stuck to each other some day."

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

"I'm going to demonstrate how dogs are stealth ninjas in the dark. See how I move silently....."

In-law country

You can't just secretly monitor the conversation of every cafe patron. Of course I can. I'm the cafe's proprietor. I run the joint. I'm in charge. I'm a strong leader. I make touch decisions. I protect moms and children. I find and destroy evil. You use short, declarative sentences. I win.

'When I grow up, Dad, I want to be just like you.'

"I suspect a challenger from the right. Let's slaughter everyone on the right."

"What a guy!"

Bazooka Jousting

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

'But look, Sire -- a whole lot of people have you down as their fifth choice!'

"When you can sneak up on me, without my knowledge, then, and only then, can you consider yourself a true Ninja!"

Businessman of the Year Awards.