Royalty Wannabe Pillows

King and Queen with real estate agent view castle for sale: 'My wife likes it, but she wants to know if you have the same thing in purple.'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

Bubbly

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'How about a game of cards?'

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

Czarcasm

"He's a guard dog."

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'Gunboat diplomacy won't work, sire -- we're landlocked, remember?'

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

"In my own country I didn't drive a taxi."

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

'I screwed up royally!'

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

"Kiss me and I'll turn into a Prince. But I have to be honest with you, if asked about it I'll deny the whole sordid affair!"

'He was born with a silver spoon all right, but not in his mouth.'

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

'Scroll down for the good stuff!'

Trading half a kingdom for a lesser steed!

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

'You're reordering your priorities? -- Since when do you have priorities?'

Cat king.

'I couldn't get Parliament to outlaw Lady Godiva, but they agreed to regulate her.'

'It's sad in a way -- just when he was declaring victory.'