King Of Humor Pillows

'The dog ate my homework -- I thought maybe you could X-ray him.'

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

'You're not really that much help, Ben.'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

'This new jester doth appeal to me.'

'That's a personal foul, roughing the passer!'

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

"I'm not normally a big fan of slapstick comedy, but seeing ol' Hotchkiss there..."

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"All of my visitors have to wear that get up. Apparently my humour is very infectious."

"I'd like an application form for the position of minister, please!"

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

'How animals mark their territory'

"Sir? - it's clowntime."

'You're not supposed to use fabric softener on ARMOR!'

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

Up your end.

"…And what do you think the cracker might represent?"

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'

"I'm suffering from TeaParytyitis."

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

'Hello, is that Dugdame and Son's, the plumber?'

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

Life Imitates Arf....

"Did you order takeout?"

"You're not in the gym Gary!"