King Of Humor Pillows

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

"Yours is adjustable?"

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'The dog ate my homework -- I thought maybe you could X-ray him.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

'You're not really that much help, Ben.'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

"Congratulations, Gentlemen! We removed it from his skull without damaging his funny bone!"

'This new jester doth appeal to me.'

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

'That's a personal foul, roughing the passer!'

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

Menopause and the City

"I'm not normally a big fan of slapstick comedy, but seeing ol' Hotchkiss there..."

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

'How animals mark their territory'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

"All of my visitors have to wear that get up. Apparently my humour is very infectious."

Up your end.

"I'd like an application form for the position of minister, please!"

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Sir? - it's clowntime."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

'You're not supposed to use fabric softener on ARMOR!'

"…And what do you think the cracker might represent?"

"Did you order takeout?"

"I'm suffering from TeaParytyitis."

Road signs of Aging

"You're not in the gym Gary!"

'Hello, is that Dugdame and Son's, the plumber?'

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

Life Imitates Arf....

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'