Kingpin Of Comedy Pillows

"...and I said, 'as a matter of fact, I DO have a bowling ball in my bag'."

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though, Romeo? Seriously, wherefore art thou? Shakespeare in the Dark.

Toothless Meal

“Pottery Classes – Give it a Whirl!”

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"The last doggy bag."

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"Appears to be choking on his responsibility."

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

"The origin of the first joke... Waiter, there's a fly in my primordial soup."

Unlikely Fly Scenario

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

Oh U! The German Periscoper: "Ach Himmel! Dot most be der peutiful Ben Nevis of vich ve 'ave 'eard so mooch!"

"Moses, remember commandment three."

"I'm starting to look old."

'Man, I hate it when he goes crowd surfing.'

Gee! Now I know why he's the king of the jungle

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

Cat fight club.

Clown Cowboy:'DRAW!'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

'To absent teeth.'

"You realise, in cosmological years, we're not very old at all."

"That's kingsize?"

"Pushing sixty isn't the problem - it's pulling fifty-nine."

'Wish I had taken the HIGH road!'

'You, you, you. Why is it always about you?'