Kingpin Of Comedy T-Shirts

"...and I said, 'as a matter of fact, I DO have a bowling ball in my bag'."

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

“Pottery Classes – Give it a Whirl!”

Toothless Meal

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"The last doggy bag."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"Appears to be choking on his responsibility."

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

"The origin of the first joke... Waiter, there's a fly in my primordial soup."

Unlikely Fly Scenario

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

Oh U! The German Periscoper: "Ach Himmel! Dot most be der peutiful Ben Nevis of vich ve 'ave 'eard so mooch!"

"Moses, remember commandment three."

"I'm starting to look old."

Gee! Now I know why he's the king of the jungle

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

Clown Cowboy:'DRAW!'

"That's kingsize?"

'To absent teeth.'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

"Pushing sixty isn't the problem - it's pulling fifty-nine."

'Wish I had taken the HIGH road!'

'You, you, you. Why is it always about you?'

"Of course 60 is the new 59."