Rule-breaking Humorist T-Shirts

'I've been here so long I don't remember what I did, but it had something to do with non-compliance.'

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

"I'll let you ticket this one, Mick."

New Belief Systems

Stop! Mad cows are forbidden to cross the border!

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

'Thanks to Obama the Nobel Prize has lost much of its prestige. This is the third time I got one in my surprise meal this week.'

'Sorry kid, but rules are rules!'

"Are you wearing a sports bra?"

"Sin tax? I love it."

Cloud 10.

No Smoking Building.

'Wish I had taken the HIGH road!'

'Gesundheit!'

'I knew we shouldn't have parked here - they booted us!'

Man stealing a speed camera.

Desert crawler sees 'No Crawling' sign.

'You're cheating on me? How can you be so heartless?!'

'How about this one? †'Everybody has to wear plaid socks on Tuesdays.''

Ivanka's Latest

'Ronnie has never stopped at amber.'

Police officer to conman: 'You're only allowed to keep striped bass.'

"There better not be anything in there about the lust of food."

"If they want everyone to do 60, the should have set the speed limit at 30."

'Tch, it's gone in this sandpit. I'll throw it onto the grass.'

'How about instead of the $383,000 I owe you in back taxes, I give you some free advertising space on my web site?'

'And then the jury decided that I was ready for a long term relationship with the penal code system.'

The Hand Puppet's Dinner

Traffic warden tied to a lamp post with double yellow lines.

'What's the idea of telling everyone I cheat at tennis?' - 'Sorry, I didn't know it was a secret.'

"You heard me—turn off that fan."