King Of Diy Mischief Gifts

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Newt sale

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

Oh no ... Outsourcing

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

'How was your day Ma?. . .'

Artist gets pooped on by lots of birds.

Child jumping on a table-tennis table.

"I've just discovered this brilliant new ingredients."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

Man defaces a painting to make it fit above his fireplace.

The invisible man makes a pancake

"They've agreed to drop the charges, but only if you agree never to stuff the turkey again."

'All right, who broketh the window!'

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

Frankie the discount genie

'Grandma says she has the perfect wrestler nickname for me. What does Tiny Terror mean?'

"Just think, in dog years we'd be old enough to know better!"

"No, no, no! My old 45 records do not belong in the craft box!"

"Great, I just made my last mortgage payment!"

Aircraft accidentally hits a witch.

"Can you come over here for a second and give this a pained look?"

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

'No pennies.'

Tommy Cooper.

"Whoopsie! I accidentally speed dialed the stripper cops instead of the real cops."