Kinder Kid Coach Gifts

Professional Parents

"No no, I said sit!!"

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

The best PE teacher in the World.

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

"It's childhood. Your child has childhood."

"I can always tell when the kids go back to school. Everyone is so happy and relaxed."

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

"I'll pencil you in for recess."

'Not right now, Timmy. First we're going to work on fielding ground balls. Maybe later we can discuss collective bargaining.'

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'

"With the courage from that one drink I'll tell you I've been faking my squeal for years."

"Before we begin the hymn of thanksgiving, I'd like each of you mothers to take a moment to count her little blessings."

'And then Mindy had the nerve to call me a 'helicopter mom.' Me? In this wonderful jetpack! As if!'

Little schoolboy enjoys picking his nose.

How's my walking?

Poker Moms

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

"Brad? This is your congressman. Get Mommy on the phone, please."

"Every year it's harder and harder to get their attention."

'One day you'll be able to 'sack' a football manager.'

'I'll see the ones with the clean underwear first.'

Moral Ambiguity

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"

'When do you teach them how to dress themselves?'

"Reboot, Robert."

"Wow that was great...for you."

"It's always, 'hey God, thank for the win! It's never, 'hey God, need tickets?"

'No more litter boxes for us! We trained the cat to use the toilet.'