Kids Gifts

Philosopher trading cards.

"I hope we can flip it before the tide comes in."

'I thought we were going to play doctor?' 'We are playing doctor. I'm a lawyer and I'm suing you for malpractice.'

'I don't worry about anything. My Mom does all the worrying for me.'

'Depends on how many people in the yard.'

'Evidently, studying isn't one of the tasks you perform when you're multitasking.'

'We've been spending too much time apart on our mobile devices, and we need some together time. Everybody log on to the family social media page.'

I'll trade you a gluten-Free Sandwich for lactose-free milk.

'A life coach? What the hell do you want a life coach for?'

'This is my supply chain.'

"I can't play video games after school, I have to help my father with his homework."

'This is your spinal column...It's a bunch of bones that runs up and down your back and keeps your legs from going all the way up to your neck.'

Newton's Cradle

"Sure, Mom's eager to get us back to school, but she could have stopped the car!"

Family and dog, "I think Lassie is trying to tell us something Ma"

'It has nothing to do with instinct -- I'm just a born leader!'

'How do 'Do not walk on the grass' signs, get there?'

A snowplough throwing up pets and toys

'There is something wrong with the spinach. It tastes good.'

'My mom wants us to stop watching cartoons and go outside. Let's take my laptop outside and watch cartoons.'

We never get to see Santa. Her braces set off the metal detector.

"You should learn how to play the guitar. It'll give you something to fall back on."

"I want a story that won't challenge my worldview ."

'Mom's baking finally allowed us to diversify and greatly increase our neighborhood market share.'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'You're not living up to your potential!'

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

"I told you they were magic beans and not to eat them."

"Never ask Dad about technology. He thinks a semiconductor is someone who leads the Boston Pops for half a year."

"Hey, Dad. We almost caught Santa last night!"

"Now remember, children, if you get lost just show someone your hat, your t-shirt, your sign and your flag, and then say 'I'm from Central Elementary', just to make sure."

'Because I'm your agent, and I say its good for you.'

'Let's make a package deal.'

"My Dad has a way of making a long story even longer."

"Grandma, where did people get all their fake news before social media?"