Kid Cost Analyst Gifts

'Children are all right, Carson, except they're so damned unprofitable.'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"We've decided to diversify our funds on some candy!"

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"She's cute all right. But, whoa, what a narcissist!"

"We re cutting back on overhead."

"I'm aware that you brought a high-powered agent...are you aware that this job pays $26,382 and nine cents per year?"

"Don't think of yourself as just another small cog in a vast bureaucratic machine.. but rather as a quite important cost centre."

Kids' energy levels

'I've saved a bundle on cubicles. I only hire mimes who do that invisible wall thing.'

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

"Typical, you knew my mother was coming today, so you had to have a big meal to be torpid for a few days!"

'All those years of teaching me to walk and talk. . . now all they want is for me to sit down and shut up!'

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

"I'm getting to know the staff better. You're my son, aren't you?"

Swings Doctor

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

"Use your indoor gun."

'Excellent grape jelly, Mother -- I detect Macabeo, Arinto, Rotgipfler, and just a hint of Hondarrabi Zuri.'

These days in Hamelin the piper casts a very lonely shadow. . . improvements in sanitation have mostly controlled the rats, while social media has total control over the children!!

"Why are they always pushing quality on us?"

'With the school's dire budget problems, we're now teaching math by charging ten dollars for the course, as well as the same amount for each of your other classes'

"My school day was mixed. Big gains in history class, English was flat, math declined by a quarter-grade, and I took a pounding at recess."

"I'm getting a little tired of social media. He got mad at me so he said he is going to 'undad' me."

"Mothers Day is coming up. What shouldn't we do to make sure mom enjoys it?"

The Observation Deck of Apartment 2-N

Two kids are selling iced tea from roadside stands; one is selling regular iced tea for 50¢ a cup, while the other is selling Long Island ice teas for $5.00 a cup.

'We don't need our own stand. Just have your mom buy all the lemons at the store so we've cornered the market and can name our price!'