Childhood Dynamics Analyst Gifts

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

'Okay, okay - is there anyone OTHER that the bride's mother who objects to this marriage?'

A boy and his spin patrol.

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

'I read all the parenting books, but you always manage to stay one step ahead of me!'

"He's feeling neglected. Should we text him?"

Kids' energy levels

'They sort of grow on you.'

"Typical, you knew my mother was coming today, so you had to have a big meal to be torpid for a few days!"

"Let's talk about your overprotective mother."

'All those years of teaching me to walk and talk. . . now all they want is for me to sit down and shut up!'

"Don't fight us, Timmy. We have numerical superiority."

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

"She's one of those bad mothers who say they're bad mothers but think they're good mothers."

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

"Oh no, not dinner again!"

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

"I'm getting to know the staff better. You're my son, aren't you?"

'It would have been easier to prove your father was of sound mind when he wrote this will if he hadn't written it on the headed notepaper of the psychiatric hospital in which he'd been sectioned.'

'When I grow up, I think I'd like to be a deus ex machina, just like you.'

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

Swings Doctor