Kid Cost Analyst Pillows

'Children are all right, Carson, except they're so damned unprofitable.'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

Common Core Family Therapy

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"We've decided to diversify our funds on some candy!"

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"I'm aware that you brought a high-powered agent...are you aware that this job pays $26,382 and nine cents per year?"

"She's cute all right. But, whoa, what a narcissist!"

"We re cutting back on overhead."

"Don't think of yourself as just another small cog in a vast bureaucratic machine.. but rather as a quite important cost centre."

'I've saved a bundle on cubicles. I only hire mimes who do that invisible wall thing.'

Kids' energy levels

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

'All those years of teaching me to walk and talk. . . now all they want is for me to sit down and shut up!'

"Typical, you knew my mother was coming today, so you had to have a big meal to be torpid for a few days!"

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

"I'm getting to know the staff better. You're my son, aren't you?"

Swings Doctor

"Use your indoor gun."

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

The Observation Deck of Apartment 2-N

"Why are they always pushing quality on us?"

"I'm getting a little tired of social media. He got mad at me so he said he is going to 'undad' me."

'With the school's dire budget problems, we're now teaching math by charging ten dollars for the course, as well as the same amount for each of your other classes'

'We don't need our own stand. Just have your mom buy all the lemons at the store so we've cornered the market and can name our price!'

"My school day was mixed. Big gains in history class, English was flat, math declined by a quarter-grade, and I took a pounding at recess."

Two kids are selling iced tea from roadside stands; one is selling regular iced tea for 50¢ a cup, while the other is selling Long Island ice teas for $5.00 a cup.

'Excellent grape jelly, Mother -- I detect Macabeo, Arinto, Rotgipfler, and just a hint of Hondarrabi Zuri.'

These days in Hamelin the piper casts a very lonely shadow. . . improvements in sanitation have mostly controlled the rats, while social media has total control over the children!!