Kibble Critic Gifts

"Is this any way to treat 'Man's best friend'?"

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

Fido and Fifi

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

"Perhaps I should have warned you...They really don't like wholemeal bread."

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

'Hunger is a terrible thing, especially around dinner time!'

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

The Additives Arrive...'This cereal tastes like it has some sodium propionate in it.'

Fresh Fish

"Don't be fooled, it looks easy but I've yet to meet a dog who's mastered it."

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

See, Peanut? I told you that 'Melt in your mouth, not in your hand' line would get you in trouble someday!

And this is one we made earlier.

"Run! It's Armagluten!"

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

"Ewww – Cabernet with tuna fish?"

More New Cereals For Kids

"I can grant you any wish you desire except for making sure the ice cream machine always works at McDonald's."