Kibble Critic Gifts

"Is this any way to treat 'Man's best friend'?"

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

"Perhaps I should have warned you...They really don't like wholemeal bread."

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

Fido and Fifi

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

'Hunger is a terrible thing, especially around dinner time!'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'

The Additives Arrive...'This cereal tastes like it has some sodium propionate in it.'

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

Fresh Fish

See, Peanut? I told you that 'Melt in your mouth, not in your hand' line would get you in trouble someday!

Maybe you would have less of a problem with flies in your soup if you didn't have landing strips attached to your bowls.

"Don't be fooled, it looks easy but I've yet to meet a dog who's mastered it."

And this is one we made earlier.

"I'm sure Mistress meant well: The cat on the box is smiling, but I agree, this tastes and smells horrible..."

"Ewww – Cabernet with tuna fish?"

"Run! It's Armagluten!"

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