Key Account Manager Gifts

'Tell me, Mr Tolteck, have you applied for the headhunter or the key account manager position?'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

Direct Marketing...

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Sheep Ledger

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

Gone Bookkeepin'

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Now I see your problem. You've been using a leaf blower to rake it in."

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

Accountant Manqué

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

Thank you

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

Records?

'That's part of the reason for our problem. We lost the key to the door.'

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

'I'm calling you out, account to account.'

"So, the bills still aren't paid? You've never been good at money management."