Keto Enthusiast Gifts

"It just wasn't working out. He's liberal low-carb and I'm strict keto."

"You CAN have your keto cake and eat it too!"

"Ridiculous. Every item on this 'Last Meal' menu will knock me right out of ketosis."

"Where do we put Desserts?"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

Casino. Keno. $$$. Win. Cashier. He sure wins a lot! He's "Keno Savvy."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

Fat man on scales.

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

"I would kill for your metabolism."

"One slice—hold the bread."

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'