Kerchief Collector Gifts

"It was better before God took up knitting."

'These are job perks.'

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

"So you kiss me and I turn into a prince? No thanks, sweetie, I'm gay. I'm already a queen."

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

Out of kilter.

Freaks of nature exhibit.

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'Here was proof that Lawrence was indeed an Englishman."

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'You must be awfully secure in your masculinity.'

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

Football supporters.

Real Estate Personals

"I've heard a lot about you - all nutty, of course."

What's Their Secret?

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

"Now now, what have I told you about using your zombie knife at the dinner table..."

'Well, you make it sound silly. All my new hybriproducts are unique and useful.'

"I'll stop saying 'irregardless' if you'll stop staying 'at this point in time.'"

Pianist.

'According to your resume, you have unusual organizational techniques.'

Signed Baseball - Scientists,

"I see you've brought your own bag."

Don't you like it, Dad?

'Of coure you're the only girl I've ever kissed,on a desert island,that is.'

Enrico from Lucia di Lammermoor

Antiques/Collectible/Bric-A-Brac/Garbage.

"Are you a blowfish, or did you just hold a sneeze?"

"I dreamt I was on a desert island with seven starving women."

'The company had a good quarter, so we've decided to give you that company vehicle you've been wanting.'