Kafka Connoisseur Pillows

Huge bug says: 'On the plus side: I no longer know what Kafkaesque means.'

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Selling lemon latt�

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'He likes to power nap.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Instructional guide to scribbling

Night of the Latkes

"At this office no two days are different."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'These are job perks.'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

Happy Hour

The Trojan Beagle.

Emergency Phone.

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

The Snarky District

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'