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'Okay, the print media convicted you...but trust me, the video media will overturn the verdict.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Not guilty?"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"Can you hear me now?"

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

Religion and Politics

"Do you swear you haven't embroidered the truth in your testimony today?"

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"It was a crime of passion, not the defendant's offense, out verdict."

"You've gotta be for Trump. It's all about the judges."

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"I plead guilty, Your Honor, but only in a nice, white-collar sort of way."

'Let's keep pulling it and see what happens.'

"Your Honor, gangsta rap made me do it."