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"Could my client be innocent? Probably not. My point is it's interesting to think about."

'This trial will take approximately one week despite the defendant's obvious guilt.'

'It's innocent or guilty. There are no do-overs.'

Arrested outside the grisly scene, Ms. Goody Two-Shoes uttered, "I'll be out in no time. I got no priors."

'I got out on parole.'

'Hey. You're back.'

The hearings on the Supreme Court vacancy will now come to order..."

"I got here thanks to a pardon from Trump."

'You have TWO strikes against you. You are guilty and you're not a celebrity.'

'I was this close to parole, and then the stupid Republicans got back into the White House!'

'One good thing, with the shortage of judges, you will have served your time before the case comes to trial.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm releasing you back into the wild.'

'Since prisons are full, I'm sentencing you to 5 years of Jury Duty.'

"I want to thank all of you for a fair trial and if you're ever up Leavenworth way don't fail to drop in and see me."

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."

"The jails were all full so they sent me to an open prison."

"You don't kill witnesses, you offer them pardons."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

Mou...Man trap!

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."