Jungle Journaler Gifts

'Day 57. The tigers appear to be adjusting to my presence.'

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

'Esther, is it possible, just possible mind you, that your green thumb has gone berserk?'

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

Stationers' sign leaking ink onto a passer-by.

'Sorry, but we're not compatible, Jim. You keep a diary, and I blog on the Internet.'

The Paper Route

"It's a jungle out there... and I hear you're an expert."

What've you been up to since college, Lemont? Oh, I became a journalist … had a kid, blah blah … but I wanna hear about you, Rudy. Grigori Rasputin. How've you been all these years? How's your Uncle Mort? Are you a Russian spy? Boop boop boop. How'd that stomach-tumble-translator startup you founded in the nineties go? Wait ... what did you say you became? What do they have on President Trump? How's your cat? Boop.

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

'Your night writing book, madam.'

'I would love to be more energetic, but there is nothing I can do: It's a genetic condition...'

"I think I'll keep a diary..."

James decided to stay in that night.

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

Crow and fox

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

Professional woman in pub

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"Yes, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, but he snores!"

'Two men having a sword fight with large pen and pencil.'

"Expedition log #57: Like the rest of the week, I expect today will be another uneventful day."

Dear Dairy

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

Today's alpha-lesson is "Keep a journal." The average person lets life pass them by. The events of their lives fade into nothingness. An alpha knows that long after they're gone, their thoughts and experiences will be of great interest to historians. That's not an original thought. I read it in the papyrus Randus Maximus XIV left in a safe deposit box after he helped conquer Judea.

Fountain pen coming out of a man's head.

"How do you spell, asteroid?"

'Lost Diary'

Found pearls! No way I'm leaving. . . Amelia.

Getting Rid of the Cure

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'And before we start, Higgins, I'd like to remind you that this is not a laughing matter.'

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

"I'd never have known the joys of a journal if my attorney hadn't insisted I keep one."