Jungle Comedian Gifts

"I'd like to order a pizza. Any kind of pizza will do. What I really need to know is what your delivery guy is like...height, weight, muscle mass, percentage of body fat..."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

"Happy Gnu Year!"

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

"Eat me"

"Too much concealer?"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

Tarzan of the Grapes.

'I'm telling you Fred, this can of silver paint is going to improve your love-life!...'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'Pray for me.'

Snowman of the Apes

'I thought that 'remote gizmo' was just for manoeuvring the caravan down the drive!'

Giraffe Portrait

Penguin

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"Influence this."

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

Crow and fox

'I wanted a change in decor.'