Juggling Dad Jokes Pillows

'I have a two-year old - please don't make me work from home.'

Cry babies.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

Next to Nothing

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

How witness protection really works...

Note Book

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

"It's a dependent!"

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

"When the new employment laws come in parenting is going to be a whole lot easier...."

"I used to be a stay-at-home dad. It was great until I had kids."

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

'This mandarin chicken is delicious, Dad. It tastes like you bought it yourself.'

"It was at this point that our wives left us."

"Oh no, the lectern and microphone. I get the feeling I'm getting another one of your boring life lectures."

'In this rare photo of President Bush standing beside former President Clinton, one can't help but notice how the weight of office has grayed their hair.'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

"Keeping all out kids does NOT make us hoarders."

"Someday you'll understand the ways of the world...with the exception of tax and health insurance forms."

"Yo, Greg!" "Hey, Warren!"

Vasectomy Clinic: Convert to Unleaded Here

"'No bones about it?' What? Oh, right. I get it. Ha."